Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Hot! Sweeney Todd

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia. This article refers to the founder of the popular 1970s luxury salon-restaurant Demonic Barbershop franchise. For the musical based on his life, see .

Sweeney Todd (March 22, 1930 – December 26, 2007) was an American businessman who founded the Demonic Barbershop chain of luxury salon-restaurants in 1979 with business partner Helena Bonham Carter . At his death, he was among the 50 richest people in America.

Biography

Sweeney Todd was born Benjamin Barker to a wealthy family who owned a peaceful suburb of Ohio . He was a straight A student all through high school, became the captain of the golf team, and got a 2500 on the SAT in fifth grade. His dreams were shattered, however, when Harvard , , and all rejected him. Tearfully, he resigned himself to four years at .

After graduation, he married his college sweetheart, Lucy, an actress who had appeared in the prod! uction Avenue Q. They founded a small barber shop and had a daughter, Johanna. Barker, however, was growing increasingly discontent with his life and with Lucy’s extramarital affairs and fading beauty. As luck would have it, Lucy left him a year after their marriage for the town judge, a pious man, doting father, and closet flagellant.

Devastated, Barker took a fifteen year sojourn to New York gangsters and gypsies. He from Sondheim and returned to the at once, taking Sondheim’s signature recipe for Australian meat pies with him. Upon returning, he changed his name to Sweeney Todd , believing it to be “more professional-sounding.”

Todd founded his first barber shop on Fleet Street in downtown California . By chance, his shop was located next to Lovett’s Pies, a restaurant owned by Angela Lovett, a budding entrepreneur who formerly sold a line of newlyweds’ , emblazoned with “Mrs.” She had fallen on hard ti! mes, however, and the Zagat Guide described her restaurant thu! sly: “Lovett’s Pies, if nothing else, has redefined the laws of physics by managing, despite being located in California, to sell the worst pies in London.” Furthermore, meat prices had gone up, and Lovett was forced to bake her pies with nothing but green finch and linnet bird. She labeled this as chicken, starting that it was “close enough.”

Todd and Lovett spent many days together and soon began a personal and professional relationship. They married on March 1, 1979, and that night lovingly merged their tender businesses into one palpable franchise: ” Sweeney Todd ‘s Barbershop and Lovett’s Pies.”

Todd’s business saw some difficulties in the beginning. His business concept, he discovered, had previously been conceived by Adolfo Pirelli, an immigrant who ran a small barbershop/restaurant in Sacramento . Todd, in a shrewd display of business sense, opened a second location right across the str! eet from him. Pirelli soon went out of business, both because of Todd’s move and because of a scandalous expose done by two hairdressers-turned-investigative reporters, who revealed that Pirelli sold piss instead of shampoo, used child labor, and sung in a ridiculous fake Italian accent. Pirelli never thereafter was heard of again. Todd immediately hired his stylists Tobias and Oliver.

Controversy Sweeney Todd in popular culture See also Hot! Sweeney Todd

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